I love March Madness! Or now I should say first week of April Madness, as we are into the “Elite 8” coming up Monday and Tuesday, with next weekend culminating this year’s NCAA tournament.

I am following the women this time, mostly because of Caitlin Clark. I have been so struck by her incredible talent and humble ways. I am sure you know who she is if you follow college women’s basketball. And even if you don’t, the name might sound familiar. A once-in-a-generation phenom is how many describe Clark and her basketball genius. She has broken both women’s and men’s college scoring records. Amazing to watch, even on a day she’s “off”, she can total 25 or more points in a game. In fact, since 2009, no player has recorded more games of 35+ points, 5+ assists, and 5+ rebounds. Clark has done it 19 times. 

There’s more to it than watching Clark, of course. I love seeing underdog teams fighting hard till the end, and often brutally surprising higher-tiered opponents by winning. The drama of it all! I am so inspired by teams that work collaboratively. And I’m in awe of how they keep their skills in tact under tremendous pressure. And that brings me back to Caitlin Clark. While, no one player defines an entire sport, she comes pretty close. I am intrigued by how she is managing the gigantic spotlight on her while still managing to thrive in a sport that she apparently loves. Not easy for anyone; takes a deep understanding of self, purpose, and what’s really important in life.

I am sure this remarkable young woman has a lot to teach us—more than the 4 lessons below, but these are the ones that have stood out for me.

Lesson #1: Enjoy the Process; Have Fun

I heard Coach Lisa Bluder during one of the games, describe Clark as that “little girl deep inside just wanting to have fun!” And during every media interview I saw, Clark always emphasized the importance of having a good time. Even though highly competitive, and wanting very much to win and working very hard to win; when it comes down to it, the playing of basketball, the process, is most important to this elite athlete.

She says, “It’s just smile, have fun, play free….I think it’s just enjoying every single second and playing and having fun.”

Her mindset aligns with the research I know about helping kids develop a strong self-identity. Children and teens who are doing something for pleasure and inner satisfaction tend to do well and have a positive attitude about themselves when they don’t do as well as they want to. They learn self-determination by enjoying being in a process of skill development. Then, and here’s the part a lot of people forget, when faced with the hard stuff that is not so enjoyable, they will stick with the tasks because they have had the experience of going through a process that worked for them. They now believe, when faced with a more arduous situation, that they can get through it. Why? Because they had fun before and figured things out in a pleasurable atmosphere. They take what they learned in the fun activity and apply it to the hard ones! 

Going through the ups and the inevitable downs of any learning process while developing a skill—whether specific math calculations or tossing a ball into a basket—provides essential internalization of competence, and with that, confidence. If they falter and we encourage them, “You got this!” They believe us because they now believe in themselves. Fun fuels the confidence to keep growing the skill, supplying momentum for increasingly difficult learning situations. Without fun in the equation of some learning processes, the child is adrift and won’t know self as a competent learner. 

And paradoxically, performance improves with enjoyment of the process!

Lesson #2: Your Success Depends on Others’ Success

Caitlin Clark plays as if her success depends on making sure her four teammates succeed. Sports commentators and athletes who know basketball intricacies remain impressed at how she sees the floor and can spot an open teammate. Uncanny, they say. She seems to be strategic like a master chess player, envisioning opponents’ several moves ahead and intervening. Consequently, her assists numbers are in the stratosphere as well.

During media interviews she stresses “team effort.” She always calls out her teammates and the good jobs they have done—giving credit to them, acknowledging that she couldn’t play the way she does without their help.

Praising another doesn’t diminish us in any way. Holding back affirming statements won’t help anyone. One of the major premises of positive psychology is that our individual strengths support us to resolve our challenges. Affirming and acknowledging another’s strengths can’t take away any of our own. But it helps others to see and use their strengths in fresh ways. And, in fact, being conscious of others’ strengths, help us grow our own, too. After all, we are in this world together. We make a better world—community, family, or team when we know we don’t—and we can’t—do it alone.

Lesson #3: Give Credit to Those Who Help You

Along with elevating her team members in a humble way, Caitlin Clark acknowledges those who helped her become who she is today. Millions of kids observe and want to emulate Clark and she knows it. She seems to take a dignified responsibility to encourage them and be the model they need at this time. In doing this she gives credit to those who inspired her such as Maya Moore who was a childhood inspiration for her. You may have seen the heartfelt hug between them at a recent game. 

This quality us surely is an outcome of Lesson #2 as well. When kids know they are part of an important whole, such as a family or a team, they can start to appreciate who has influenced them to be a contributing member of that family or team. In my book, Parenting Well in a Media Age: Keeping Our Kids Human, I point out that chores are really a way children and teens experience themselves as part of an important whole, the family. They feel belonging to that whole—family or team—when they contribute and their contribution is valued and appreciated. This is the first step in helping kids become self-aware of multi-influences on them. They first have to experience themselves as influencing others in a real, positive way. And receive the feedback of their influence, contribution being significant, necessary. From there they can grow the consciousness to appreciate and acknowledge the positive differences others have made in their lives.

Lesson #4 Work Hard to Grow Dreams Into Reality

As a second grader Clark wrote down her dreams during a school assignment: Get a Basketball Scholarship; Play in the WNBA. I heard her say, “I want to do something that has never been done before.”  And she has.

Imagine if we all set out to accomplish something never accomplished before…

Happy Spring and New Beginnings Everyone!

Copyright, Gloria DeGaetano, 2024. All rights reserved.